10/49
He also starred in Death Race 2000 against David Carradine in 1975
A father and son working as security guards for an armored truck company encounter a team of would-be robbers while on a bridge. They become trapped and must come up with a plan to escape and ensure their survival. The only other time Sly played an antagonist was in Robert Rodriguez’s Spy Kids 3-D: Game Over in 2003. Armored money transports rely heavily on GPS tracking systems to enhance their security. If something goes wrong, be it an accident, attack, or unexpected stop, GPS data helps emergency services understand the situation and get to the vehicle quickly.
How could it not be?
I knew “Armor” was going to be a bad movie. One look at the poster or a single viewing of the trailer reveals everything anyone needs to know about this movie, which is better known as something called a “geezer teaser.” According to Google, an old-timer is a movie that features older, well-known male actors, or “old-timers,” in prominent roles in promotional material, but is typically released straight-to-video and distributed via VOD; additionally, the well-known male actors (in this case, Stallone) will only appear sporadically in the movie itself. Now, I knew this before I saw “Armor,” however, I found myself wanting to watch a bad, cheesy action movie, so I decided to spend $6.99 and rent this movie on Amazon Prime. Big mistake. Truth be told, for the first 25 minutes or so, I didn’t think “Armor” was that bad.
Regardless, I was intrigued
Yes, it seemed as basic as a movie can be, with sparse editing and a generic soundtrack, but I found some things pretty interesting, like Jason Patric’s character. Patric plays a recovering alcoholic who never took the time to get well. The movie opens with him waking up at 7 a.m. and immediately retrieving a hidden bottle of vodka from his refrigerator. As someone who enjoys drinking and enjoys movies that feature people who drink, I thought this character introduction was unique enough to warrant my interest – you just have to look past the inconsistency, which is that Patric’s character lives alone, so why would he feel the need to hide a bottle of alcohol in his own house that only he lives in, and that apparently no one ever visits?
Enter “Armor’s” Act Two: The Heist
It is further revealed that Patric’s character works as an armored truck driver with his son, played by Miller Garfinkel. Their relationship seems a little strained for one reason or another, but they get along well enough to work together. Unfortunately, one day they find themselves transporting goods of particular value – goods that are sought after by Sylvester Stallone and his merry band of thieves. It takes 30 minutes before a gun is fired in this film – the heist is a long one, and the gun is fired in the middle of the night. It’s 30 minutes before the titular armored truck heist begins.
Aside from this opening action sequence, “Armor” has nothing else to enjoy
But when it does begin, it’s exciting enough — or at least, as exciting as it can be for a movie like this. If you push all logical thoughts to the back of your brain (one of those thoughts being, “Why doesn’t Jason Patric just ram the bulletproof armored truck into Sly’s gang and drive away?”), you can get a little enjoyment out of the sequence where Sly and his criminals corner Patric and his son on a bridge to steal the contents of their truck. Yes, the special effects in this movie are some of the worst I’ve seen in a 2024 release, but it’s always entertaining to watch Stallone fire a gun, and that’s no different here. After this opening action sequence, the rest of the movie basically consists of Patric and his son talking to each other while trapped inside their truck. Now, this could be exciting, in theory, if Patric and his son were talking about ways to escape their captors.